I very rarely blog these days but never has a bike race left
me so exhausted, exhilarated, emotional, sad, happy, confused (the list goes
on..) etc. All the preparation that went in to it pre-race , the immense
suffering during and the sense of relief, yet satisfaction as well as
disappointment after. I’m aware that this blog post is not going to be focused
at all and that I’ll be going off on a tangent on several occasions. But I hope
it will give people an idea about how bike racing can on one hand make you feel
like you’re on cloud nine and on the other hand put you in a very dark place.
It wasn’t long after the Swedish Nationals course for 2018
was announced that I decided to make it my big target race of the season. 123km
with 2000m of climbing, no very technical sections. Sounded like a dream for a
climber who hates tight corners, gravel and descending..The Nationals are
always super hard as you are up against girls that have been to the Olympics,
World Championships and race the women’s world tour. Last year I came 13th
and was in a group sprinting for 9th place so I definitely thought I
could nail a top 10 this year as the course suited me better.
Every time I did a training session since the start of the
year I thought about the Nationals and how I was going to play my cards to get
that top 10. Looking back at races I had done earlier in the season I knew my
form was better than ever and that I had the potential to achieve my goal. I
sacrificed other races for more training opportunities and really put everything
in to preparing for this particular race. It consumed so much of my thoughts.
Looking back I feel like I couldn’t have done anything differently.
Before I knew it there was only a week left until race day.
My legs were feeling good and I reduced my training in the final run-up to the
race. I had traveled down to the race location two days before the event which
enabled me to settle in and do a course recce with my dad. Even if I was going
at an easy pace I felt fantastic and fired up for what was about to come. Was
looking forward to doing some damage on the climb!!
Race day, eek!! How is it happening already?! I was really
nervous but managed to stay calm and focused as we all assembled at the start
line. The first 2k were neutralized and shortly after the flag dropped my
pedals seized up…OMG WHAT’S GOING ON?!?! A slight moment of panic, but deep
breath…the bunch aren’t moving that fast..you can get it sorted and chase back
on. Turns out the chain had just ended up in a weird angle so it was a
relatively quick fix..Rode as hard as I could and got back on after about
10mins. Felt like I had burnt many matches already, and the race had only just
started!!
As we approached the main climb, 2km with an avg gradient of
8 %, for the second time (we had to do it 8 times, brutal!!!) I got myself in a
good position and was waiting for the pros to attack. One of the big favourites
Emilia Fahlin put in an insanely strong dig which I couldn’t match at all. Was
suffering like never before but quite a lot of people passed me and a lead
group of about 15 people formed. I felt like I wanted to cry when I saw them
disappear in to the distance as I knew that any hopes of getting a top 10 were
pretty much gone. I was left in the main bunch of 30+ people. Really felt like
I wanted to throw in the towel at this point but then it hit me that hey we
still have 3.5hrs of racing to do and a lot can happen during that time. I
always tell people to try and finish the race if they can, so I carried on.
The climb was really attritional and on lap 4 I realised (a
bit to my delight..) that the group had been massively reduced to just four of
us. We quickly decided to work together as this was the best way to ensure we’d
all finish in the top 20 and prevent the chasing bunch behind from catching us.
Ok so top 10 wasn’t happening..but top 20 at elite nationals in a top class
field is still not too shabby right?! At this point the tide had turned.. I was
no longer disappointed but motivated about the four of us working really well
together. We also managed to catch two girls that had been dropped from the group in front. We WERE going to do this!!!!
On every lap spectators kept shouting at us that the front
group was getting smaller and smaller as people were pulling out. I was totally
exhausted when we still had two laps to go but all the cheering really helped
me to keep going. You guys were absolute superstars!!! On the last lap I heard
someone screaming that there were only 10 in front..What?! So we’re racing for
11th place now?! Omg this is amazing!! I can still get a top 15..
The last climb was a drag and it felt like we crawled up
it..omg the pain is almost over..it felt like we had been racing for so long
and at that point I started thinking about all the tasty food I was going to
eat post-race. 3km to go…a girl in our group goes off the front and I don’t
have the legs to follow..another girl does the same..but I’m dead..Four of us
sprint it out for 13th-16th place..I finish 15th
(inches off 13th and 14th). After I cross the line I
don’t know what to think. The initial reaction is disappointment that I didn’t
get the result I initially wanted. But then I shed a tear of joy and felt so
pleased that I kept fighting. After the first lap I thought I was going to
finish much lower than 15th. So many variables are uncertain in a
bike race and it just goes to show what you can achieve by not giving up even
if things don’t go to plan. I will never ever forget this battle!!
I now have a more realistic view of what level I need to be
at in order to achieve a top 10 at Nationals..I’m telling ya it aint easy!! But
it is something I’ll keep striving towards..As my good friend Michelle Vella
Wood said; ‘you focused too much on the outcome of the race rather than the
process’. Ok so I didn’t get the result I initially wanted, but I’m bloody
happy with the whole process and how this season has gone so far!! Results on
paper never tell the whole story.
The past three days since the race I’ve felt so emotionally
and physically drained. Have done no exercise whatsoever, even a walk to the
shop yesterday seemed like a mammoth effort! I’ve cried a few times. It has
been a tough year of juggling racing on a high level with trying to finish my
ACCA accountancy qualification. It was so nice to just let everything go for a
few days..
Back in the UK now and ready to take on the second half of
the season…and start the intense studying for my next set of exams!!
Until next time!
Gabby
